I’m sure you have all heard the phrase “you are responsible for your actions”, right? It has been regularly instilled in us by our parents and teachers throughout our lives nudging us into adulthood with hopes of us becoming respectful people who are held accountable for our behavior. This phrase is all encompassing, however. Meaning — you are also responsible for how you respond, react, and perceive situations or confrontations that arise in your life. No one else is responsible, but you. Even if you are the one who is wronged. Ouch! That sure is a lot to take in though, isn’t it? But, do we not have the choice of how we are evaluating information, circumstances, and others behaviors; whether they are meant for us or not? I believe we very much do have the choice, but navigating how we choose to respond can be confusing at best.
Below are some key points on how to check yourself and your response to the outside world. This practice at it’s very core is the essence of living mindfully and creating balance within your mind and can truly predict how you show up in the world both emotionally and logically. I don’t know about you, but I want nothing more than to create harmony and open communication in my relationships and add value to my connections (personally, professionally, and generally) with others every single day.
1. It’s none of my business. When someone does something you don’t like or approve of that doesn’t mean they are wrong or at fault. They are just living their life the way they want to. You have the choice to respond or not to how they are behaving, and honestly what they do with their lives is not for you to worry about. If you are choosing to take others behaviors or actions personally then you are giving up your power and, ultimately, losing control of how you respond. This is the perfect opportunity for you to pay no mind and get on with your day. To each his own — you do you, and I’ll do me.
2. I take radical responsibility for my thoughts, actions, and behaviors. This means that you are 100% responsible for how much time you allow in between your responses, the words that fall from your mouth, and how you act as a result of the information you are processing. No room for blame here, folks! You are fully responsible for whatever happens with your mind, body, soul, essence, whatever. No one makes you do or say anything. So, own up and take that giant leap into adulthood and resist the urge to blame others for what’s happening (or not) in your life.
3. I’m not perfect. This goes back to shying away from the urge to criticize or judge others. For example, if your partner has a bad habit that drives you crazy, try to be an empath and look at it from his/her perspective. You have the ability to intuitively feel what others feel. How can you approach them without attacking them and criticizing their choices? Can you step back from the situation and remind yourself that nobody’s perfect, including you? This one can be tricky because we never want to feel as though we are not being heard in our relationships, or that our friend or partner is disrespecting our requests. However, approaching it mindfully and responding in a way that is loving and supportive will likely allow both of your voices to be heard, and hopefully result in your needs being met somewhere down the line.
4. Choose love. This one is my fave! For obvious reasons, right? Okay, it is not always easy to be the light in a heated moment. We humans are incredibly reactionary and we desperately want to be heard. Well, unless you avoid conflict and are a completely passive communicator, which is also a form of response albeit nonverbal. Something I try to do when I am in conflict with someone is to imagine them as a small child –someone who is innocent — and totally in need of my love. It’s a little silly at first, but it works wonders at softening your heart and allowing you to react less hastily and with less negative emotion in hopes that you can overcome your differences.
We want to keep our vibrations high, and our negative emotions low throughout the day so we live a happy, fulfilling life. This does not mean that we just allow others to walk all over us or devalue us in any way. It simply means that we are being true to ourselves, and taking responsibility for our own happiness without letting others dictate how we react. Because all we really want is to feel like we are in control, and if we are constantly allowing others to get under our skin and piss us off, then we lose all of our power and end up in situations that do not take best care of us.
Let it go when you can. Take care of yourself. Respect yourself. Respect others. Mind your own business. Don’t let others choices bother you so much. And, please show some love. We need more love and more light now than ever before.